Sep 2, 2016 | By Star Bright Lee | UC Riverside
The obsolete truth within choosing emotions over apprehension is that ignorance is prevalent in both aspects. Though, the consequence of ignorance can be a subconscious contribution to negating factors of empowerment. I was 15 years old when Trayvon Martin was murdered; being naive, ignorant, and fully fledged with emotions, I once used the hashtag #AllLivesMatter. I onced posted #AllLivesMatter because my racial privilege did not allow me to see that there was, in fact, something very wrong and deeply rooted: systemic racism, and an integrated anti- blackness within myself and my community.
Living in South Sacramento, California, the second top city in the nation ranked for sex trafficking with a constant crime rate above the nation’s national average, I didn’t understand the existence of privilege when I suffered living in a disadvantaged community. As a Southeast Asian struggling with under representation and a lack of socioeconomic resources, I didn’t understand how I could be equipped with advantages. I had been fed the belief, “follow the rules, and you’ll get what you’ve worked for…” but little did I know, I was suffering from the consumption of my blatant ignorance for the acknowledgment of antiblackness. Academically I was aware of what racism was: prejudice acts on an individual based on the stereotypes of racial categorization, but I at the time, just like many other individuals, did not understand the complexity of an integrated systematic oppression. The same systematic oppression in a nation that has fed the “You can be whoever you want to be.” The American Dream type of mentality has fueled many to keep pushing throughout their days.
Though my struggle did not make anyone else’s less valid, I had felt that anyone, if “acting accordingly” could not be hurt by a law sworn to protect. So when I stumbled upon #BlackLivesMatter, the anti-blackness within me had read it was #OnlyBlackLivesMatter. I was appalled, offended, I was emotional. I was ignorant. I could not understand the injustice of Black POC. I was #AllLivesMatter.
It was hard for me to understand because of my skin color, I was better equipped for success. I didn’t quite get how others could pick and choose their opportunities and others didn’t have that same luxury. Privilege blinds us from the oppression of others, not to mention it is even is harder to acknowledge when we are blinded by our own suffering. It has been a journey to see beyond the issues of my social mobility and open my mind to acknowledging the issues of another. Within the notion of transparency, accepting that I had been a contributing factor to the instillment of antiblackness was more than difficult, acknowledging my privilege has lead me through cycles of hurt, invalidation,and sometimes guilt. But it is important to instead harness these feelings as propellers of growth, education, and awareness. I had to challenge not only myself, but those around me who felt the same.
To acknowledge and confront my antiblackness was a powerful component of growth within my life, but it is not enough for me to announce my solidarity. As a non Black POC it is not enough for me to repost a digital letter to my Asian parents about antiblackness, knowingly aware that they’ll never get to read it.
IT IS NOT ENOUGH FOR ME TO POST #BLACKLIVESMATTER. IT IS NOT ENOUGH FOR ME TO POST ABOUT BEING IN SOLIDARITY.
I must hold myself accountable for the anti blackness within my community. I must have the tense conversations with my family, my friends, and my colleagues about the systematic disadvantages and injustice of Black POC. I must constantly challenge myself, I must be honest, I must forgive myself, I must learn, I must empower. It is not enough, I must.
Star Bright Lee is an incoming second year student at UC Riverside majoring in Business Administration with an anticipated double major in Political Science. Star is an advocate for Southeast Asian empowerment as she works with youth from disadvantaged communities throughout California, including Sacramento, San Jose, Oakland, and Riverside.
